Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize