Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
