I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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