she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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