He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
