Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
