The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
