i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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