So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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