Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize