i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
