Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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