Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
