I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
