okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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