i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
