Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
