We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize