were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
