My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
