you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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