Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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