Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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