so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
