I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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