I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
