i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
