I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
