I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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