Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
