I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
