just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
