Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
