your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
