woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize