is your mom at the bar?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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