Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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