Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize