Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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