So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
