im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
