No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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