my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
