you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
