she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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