i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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