i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
