The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
