I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
