We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
