May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize