: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why do cheetos always look like penises
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
