Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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