So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
