Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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