Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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