you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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