you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Randomize
