Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize