Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
