i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
