There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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