Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
