Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
