Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
did i just pee glitter
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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