I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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