I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
